@brendanmcginley: Cleveland checks its makeup in the mirror, promises itself this time with LeBron won't be like before.
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@AthenaMystique: *sings Batman theme *crawls along bars of death *rolls down slope *ascends tower *knocks out foes "Miss, you need to leave the playground."
@daemonic3: WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God
@juliussharpe: Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding".