@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."
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@EndhooS: [Last supper] Jesus: Same time next week guys? *they all nod* Judas: I'll book a table for 12 Jesus: you mean 13 Judas: yeah..13, I meant 13
@daemonic3: [1st date] "My birthday is on April 20th, so 4/20. Isn't that cool? When's yours?" Oh, umm *sweating* Sextember 69th
@Smooheed: *signs into Skype meeting with very important clients* *tries to sound incredibly intelligent* *gets attacked by moth* *falls off chair*
@Sarcasticsapien: Interviewer: Where were you born? Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.