@ch000ch: [climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi
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@BuckyIsotope: Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased
@hipstermermaid: The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.
@tat2dsoccermom: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends.
@TheScamJoanne: *two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*