@ch000ch: [climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi
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@huntigula: [Anteater eats some termites] [looks up to heaven] "YOU DON'T CONTROL ME, GOD! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NAMED ME!"
@beefman138: *At Railway station Me : Can I get a return ticket please? Station attendant : Where to? Me : Here.
@HousewifeOfHell: My daughter told me I'm "slightly prettier than Ben Franklin," so I have that going for me.
@HairyJew4Life: Filing taxes is so depressing. Do you own a home? No. Have a spouse? Not even close. Kids? Not that I know of. Enjoy your refund, loser