@tayandmae: Clitorusaurus: A dinosaur never discovered by man
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@iwearaonesie: wife: Did you work late? [flashback to me missing my exit because the car in front of me had Shrek on and I wanted to see the ending] me:Yep
@DougStanhope: I'm watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit.
@ojedge: [first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] "…& they all lived happily ever after" Customer: "That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"
@2thestreetz: *lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*