@markleggett: Close your eyes. Now imagine a peaceful meadow. That meadow represents your betrayal. I told you to close your eyes, but you kept reading.
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@adamrensch: *walks into Kinko's* YO I NEED A CAT SCAN "I'm sorry sir, we don't--" *opens bag & removes a terrified cat* I ONLY NEED ONE COPY. IN COLOR.
@sofarrsogud: FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor
@LaziestCanine: "911 what's your emergency" IM DYING "what happened" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES "lol pics or didn't happen"