@primawesome: Close your eyes. Picture a world without hunger. Open your eyes. I ate your sandwich.
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@scorpicpanda: Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat.
@daemonic3: [on phone] "Press 1 if you're a huge nerd" "Press 2 if you're a virgin" "Press 3 if y-" STOP TALKING, DAD! I'm trying to call Xbox support
@Shock_Monster: I get nervous about DM's asking if it's me in video because: 1. I drink. 2. I sometimes dance when drunk. 3. I'm always white when I dance.