@Brentweets: CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.
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@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
@CulturedRuffian: ODE TO TWITTER 🎶Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder where you are, Twitter changed you to a heart, I don't think they're very smart🎶
@Donnie_Fairburn: [First day as a superhero] Oh hell yeah! *sees a crime happening* Already? Ok... *the bad guy looks really mean* Umm, I'll get the next one