@ericsshadow: CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News.
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@LackOfShame: Her: Well, I know I told you that. Me: *closes eyes* Her: What are you doing? Me: Checking for it in my spam folder.
@trevso_electric: Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
@KentWGraham: “Press the cube root of the 11th digit of pi divided by .5 and doubled if you’d like to speak with a customer service representative.”