@ericsshadow: CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News.
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@PerkyandSaggy: *Girl opens Xmas present* "Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?" "Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
@JKNenagh: I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
@aveuaskew: Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
@AntiSemanticShw: In my life Ive spent 90% of my money on drugs, drinking and women. The other 10% I wasted.