@CM2BTTHD: Co-worker had a meltdown over someone having a b-day cake. Said since she has no willpower, stop bringing cake in. Tonight, baking cookies.
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@SondraDeeMe: [in bed] BF: Why are you scared? ME: Cuz your Mom's here BF: She's not bad *Mom hands me pregnancy test* This better be positive by sunrise
@Vodkantots: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: I left my pills in my other bag & I'm about to get REALLY chatty. C: You're free to go.