@CM2BTTHD: Co-worker had a meltdown over someone having a b-day cake. Said since she has no willpower, stop bringing cake in. Tonight, baking cookies.
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@Playing4Second: I'm probably at my sexiest when I'm moving my head around trying to see if it's a smudge on my sunglasses or an eye floaty
@LackOfShame: Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty.
@jergarl: Me: *breaks down door Wife: WTF ARE YOU DOING? M: HOME INVASION! W: OMG stop breaking our house when you want sex. M: Soooooo W: No
@VerifiedDrunk: Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don't think I'm hungry for lunch anymore. .