@Dutch_50: Co-worker insists on talking with his mouth full. No one can ever understand him. Wish we had a dentist was in the house to interpret.
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@o__0Dev: On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a week.
@PaperWash: [date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? "kids?"
@Brentweets: So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything
@HumanPog: one time i went to the bathroom and i didn't know my xbox headset was still on and the other gamers heard me give myself a pep talk