@slimmy_shady: Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?
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@FloodyHippie: I hate when I'm checking out a bag of chips, and the guy standing in front of it, thinks my lustful gaze is meant for him.
@Midgetspar: When someone's all, "Words cannot begin to describe ..." I'm all YES THEY CAN YOU HAVE A LIMITED VOCABULARY.
@IvankaTrump: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
@MartaEffing: When I realized my boyfriend said we should 'break up' & not 'break dance', I was sad, but also relieved.