@dubstep4dads: .@cocacola i tried to give a coke bottle to a polar bear. he did not accept. also he took my son. i need my son back
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@Easy_Tiger__: ATTN: I'm looking for a new girlfriend Are you: 1. Between the age of 11-69? 2. Mostly female? 3. Trained to poop outside? DM for details
@Jeffro_: I get high before I get my Drivers License pic taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over.
@CubanaMama82: If you're ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
@Mr_Kapowski: Guy behind me at a concert recording with his iPad was pissed when I held up my 40" monitor that was hooked to my laptop, blocking his view