@donni: Codpieces aren't supposed to made out of fish? Crap! Hang on, then, I need to change.
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@joejwest: [jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go
@thatUPSdude: If you're buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it's probably because he bought is his condoms there too.
@_NTFG_: Of course I'm English. I'm the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.
@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.