@Hormonella: Coffee so good it helps a little old lady cross the street.
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@jackiembouvier: I talk like a sailor in front of my kid. He's gonna swear anyway and I want him to be good at it.
@Brampersandon_: [pharmacy] "Can I help you?" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*
@Lamalover2: Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?