@simoncholland: Coffee so hot you pretend not to notice it when you're out with your wife.
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@XLCadillac: [job interview] “Why should I hire you?” “Because I have pictures of you with a goat?”
@cathisamazing: Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
@causticbob: Few people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts. His name was Frank