@MissAnneBlondie: Coffee so strong, you finish the "to do" list, that you haven't even written yet.
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@TheSharona06: [Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets.
@Sickayduh: Good cop: We got you red-handed! Weatherman cop: Well there's a 70% chance of guilt but I'd go ahead and make weekend plans