@BoyCalledAnn: Coke is just cherry coke after it's lost its virginity.
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@TheMichaelRock: The Zika virus can now be transmitted sexually. Luckily, most of you have nothing to worry about.
@rockymomax: [me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautée pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO
@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.