@Fickle_Filly: Colleagues who feel the need to say "You either love me or hate me!" are oblivious to the fact that it's always the latter.
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@TheAlexNevil: At the beach, looking at all these fit young people, with their perfect bodies and perfect tans and I think "I wish I could be a shark".
@wilw: I think the blue states should get the taco trucks first, and the red states have to wait, because elections have consequences.
@d_duhwit: Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.
@notacroc: [alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti] ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti