@coIIegestudentz: College parties are great: You're taking shots with future doctors and the next Supreme Court judge is throwing up in the bathroom.
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@ihuffpaint: what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun
@DominicStraw: Barber: What would you like today? Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!
@JustUnstableMe: Boss: Where's the progress report I asked u for Me: I haven't made any progress that's my report What I imagine it'd be like if I had a job
@Glorificus917: When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist.