@juliussharpe: Cologne - because people shouldn't have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
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@SteveSuckington: Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.
@Sean_Burgundy_: You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer
@gtfml: When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
@TheMichaelRock: Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!