@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Comcast Cable acquiring Time Warner Cable is a lot like your proctologist acquiring a bigger finger.
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@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
@daemonic3: [heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows
@mandysparklerxo: I just noticed the light fixture in the bathroom is off center, so no, I won't be renewing my lease.