@Home_Halfway: "Come as you are. As you were. As I want you to be." ~ Kurt Cobain, confusing party coordinator
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@ArfMeasures: CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*
@senderblock23: Probably karma that Will Smith made a song about parents not understanding and then had a son who literally no one understands.
@Supafunkadunka: My daughter said she needs a bag of Skittles for a class project. Starting to get suspicious.
@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"