@Home_Halfway: "Come as you are. As you were. As I want you to be." ~ Kurt Cobain, confusing party coordinator
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@captain_happen: Jay Z and Beyonce had a 4 million dollar dinner with Obama.... Wtf did they eat? Fresh dinosaur?
@captainkalvis: Me: *loudly* why is everyone here a goth Wife: quiet down you're interrupting the funeral Me: *whispering* why is everyone here a goth
@jwoodham: Whenever you're mad at someone, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Those 10 seconds will give you time to think of the perfect insult.