@murrman5: *comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*
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@DaddyJew: Honey, I think the milks gone bad "what makes you say that dear?" *milk presses the gun to my back* just a hunch, btw where's your purse?
@MiniiG: If you complain about not being able to find your boyfriends name on a keychain that store will think you have a boyfriend
@AtticusFinch79: [first date] Him: What are you passionate about? Me: *bats eyelashes* Taxidermy. Him: Animals? Me: Haha. Sure...
@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.