@murrman5: *comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*
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@seandunn76: Patients get nervous when I walk into surgery wearing my lucky cape but I didn't go to medical school so I need all the luck I can get.
@Midgetspar: Remember: You can kill someone and wear their skin as a suit, but it's not identity theft until you use their debit card. Be smart about it.
@forcemajeure40: Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.