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@ruinedpicnic: coming soon to a timeline near you
@WilliamRodgers: Bro: Dude, is this YOUR Shakira CD???
Me: What? No....it's my wife's.....
Hips: No.... It's his...
Me: Shut up Hips!
@Home_Halfway: "Emma Stone" ~ Italian man telling you he's high
@novicefather: No Carl, I said "lick her" not wicker. Put the patio furniture away.
@JuliaChildCIA: "I have found our arguments quite useful - almost as useful as those I had with my father." - Spock and the guy I end up marrying.
@i_Lean: When a duck takes a selfie, it makes a lonely white girl face.