@itsthatAsh: Commas are the coolest punctuation, because they're like "Yeah, you haven't got time to stop, but you can chill for a little bit."
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@TheFearBoners: Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men.
@Dani_Feld: The wifi going down on me is the most action I'm going to get tonight.
@Sanbel11: Do you know that horrible feeling of guilt when you eat all your kids candy? Me neither.
@Mr_Kapowski: Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
@astutenewf: YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street.
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