@sportswithjohn: Commentator just said that the rain "may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation," which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
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@khook32: Skinny friend: Bananas are super high in sugar. Why would you eat them if you want to lose weight? Me: Good point. *Grabs Kit Kat
@thenamesmikeG: The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I'm cured.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Him: Don't get your panties in a bunch. Me: It's called a bulk pack, Todd. That's how Costco sells them.