@sportswithjohn: Commentator just said that the rain "may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation," which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
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@ibid78: [therapist] what seems to be the problem? [her] he only hears what he wants to hear. It's awful [me] oh my god yes, I would love a waffle
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:
@Mike__Lee: I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery.