@FatherWithTwins: Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you - from your parents' perspective.
@ArfMeasures: HER: Does your dog do any tricks?
ME: I taught him to lie on the bed
H: That's not impressive lol
DOG [gets on bed] I wrote The Hobbit
@pmclellan: To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
@7notyours: Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake.
Dog-1
Human-0
@AristotlesNZ: I don't know how you women do it. Every time I try to "sleep my way to the top" I get woken up and sent to HR.
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