@robfee: Worst things the parents do on Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza

@dubstep4dads: if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship

@ramenfuneral: my birthday is a month from today and all i want is this

@SoulYodeler: Concussions are like pineapples: what was the question.

@fart: if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas