@markleggett: Companies want "rockstar" employees, as rockstars are known for punctuality, even-tempers, and a desire to work in a corporate environment.
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@ashmensch: "Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants." - Me, drunk at Target
@electrolemon: damn girl, you got a butt that WON'T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn't stop* ...et tu, bootay
@JoshuaTurek: Everyone thought you could get a writing job from twitter but that never happens anymore its only for things like becoming the president