@shegotagronk: Complimented Taylor Swift on her shirt yesterday and now she's in a tree outside my window with a guitar and a wedding dress. Send.Help.Now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RidiculousSheri: My boyfriend has the body of a god! Or the body of God. Okay, he's like the body of Christ. What I mean is, he's a round white cracker.
@carlyken: My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band.
@daemonic3: [dj voice] "What's up Dad Party!" *dads go nuts* "I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?!?" [dads in unison] DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT
@LurkAtHomeMom: Mom: how's therapy Me: ok. my anxiety is better Mom: great Me: yeah Mom: Me: Mom: so did u get the article I sent u about the flesh eating b