@ricsem: Computer dating is fine... if you are a computer.
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@druuuck: BOSS: it says here that you're too sexy for your shirt. Is that a typo? ME: *doing my little turn on the catwalk* I'm also good with Excel
@WeissBrandon: Friend: If Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Nickelback, and Creed all died in a plane crash who would you miss the most? Me.. F... M.. F.. Me: the pilot
@Stexcy: Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
@DavidAndRobShow: Bae: come over. Me: I'm doing the podcast. Bae: come over. Me: nah, I'm doin the podcast. Bae: my parents are out. Me: they can download it.