@Mr_Kapowski: Me: What kind of cake for your birthday? Wife: Just something with chocolate [later, me in the kitchen melting chocolate over a crab cake]

@JasonLastname: If I die before I wake, I pray the lord has ice cream cake.

@dulcetry: My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download

@longwall26: *Paul Ryan watches a children's hospital explode* Hhhhmmm, an affordable source of heat and light

@feelmesucka: Unless you and your family were attacked by Bigfoot, then no, I don't want to see your camping pictures.