@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mr_Kapowski: I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts
@butterwolf: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Marry your enemy. Grow old together. Watch your enemy die.
@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
@orange_rhymer: Doc: have you been displaying any symptoms of vampirism? Me: I've been.. Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: Coffin. Doc: get out