@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
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@brendohare: A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. "We just yelled his name," said the head explorer. "Can't believe no one thought of that."
@BeamishBoi: *throws goods on conveyor belt* Cashier: is that all sir? Me:"Nope. You got change for a trophy?"
@MrsFancyPants77: I take spiders outside in stead of killing them because it's not their fault that I'm scared of them. I do however, scream while doing so.
@dumbbeezie: I startled my dog as she was peeing on a mailbox so now the dog she was leaving a message for is only gonna get half of it