@UNTRESOR: Condoleeza Rice's less successful sister is Apartmentleeza Rice.
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@alrulz2009: If you love something set it free. If it comes back, celebrate with some delicious tacos. If it doesn't that's twice the tacos for you.
@daemonic3: Joined our neighborhood watch program. There's 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. :(
@LoveNLunchmeat: Quick question: How many bowls of mac and cheese can you eat during a Skype job interview before you look unprofessional?
@david8hughes: [watches you eat my bday cake] "I've poisoned that." "Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?" [leans in & winks] "Poison."