@UNTRESOR: Condoleeza Rice's less successful sister is Apartmentleeza Rice.
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@loribuckmajor: Wrapping gifts and one kid has more than the other so to even it up I hope she likes this bag of potatoes.
@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]
@NoogsCorner: Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound.
@ConcernedSirGuy: Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.