@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.
@tastefactory: COP: do you know why I pulled you over?
COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie
COP: Yes it's too real
@dhumann: Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold until your battery is dead.
@yaboydil: Guess who I ran into today, Billy.
"Who, dad?"
Your dog, son. I hit your dog with the car.
@just1fool: I don't know if I should go after that ghost or not.
~Drunk Pac-Man
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