@filmbizpro: Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
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@LittleMissZesty: Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer.
@WarrenHolstein: Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.