@VaguelyFunnyDan: (confronts Beck in line at Jamba Juice, holds up hurried sketch of Beyonce, aggressively does "Single Ladies" dance)
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@joshbupkes: when you're a kid you're like "how do actors cry so easily?" and when you grow up you're like "how is anyone ever not crying?"
@ddsmidt: On the box it said "do not put your tongue on battery." I would never put my tongue on a battery. Although. I kinda want to now.
@markydoodoo: Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself.