@VaguelyFunnyDan: (confronts Beck in line at Jamba Juice, holds up hurried sketch of Beyonce, aggressively does "Single Ladies" dance)
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@brianbowman73: Interviewer: Name some of your weaknesses. Me: I procrastinate. Haphazard, cantankerous... Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Vocabulary?
@WineMummy: Him: Didn't you buy that apple pie yesterday? Me: Yeah, so? Him: There's one small piece left. Me: And if you touch it, I'll stab you.