@WheelTod: Confuse future archaeologists by burying human bones as if they're riding dinosaur skeletons into battle.
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@flashember: [Ghost describing stalker to sketch artist] "He was a yellow circle with a demonic mouth." *holds up drawing of Pac-Man* *sobs* THAT'S HIM!
@SteveSuckington: Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club' 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up
@InternetHippo: A witch cursed Tom Brady to win football games until he dies. All he wants is a quiet life with his family but every Sunday he blacks out like a werewolf and commits unspoken evils on the field
@murrman5: can you start monday at 8? "yes, thank you for the opportunity" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? "am or pm?"