@thewritertype: Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.
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@joejwest: ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments
@Quartzjixler: Shipwreck survivors on an island S1: We told you to spell 'SOS' with those coconuts! S2: I know but I want our rescuers to know I'm a vegan.
@KentWGraham: Guy science: The proper amount of time for a pan to soak before cleaning it is until you need to use it again.