@DancesWithTamis: Confuse your least favorite person at work by moving in slow motion when they're the only person watching you
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@GensPlace: When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
@Keys_ToMe: I love to watch the look of panic on my husband's face when I pull a pair of panties out of my drawer and say, "um, these aren't mine."
@TheCatWhisprer: You know you're getting fat when you make a comment about needing to lose weight and the other person doesn't say anything back.