@NickSwardson: Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It's basically everywhere now.
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@BakedBrotatoes: [Judas standing alone waiting to be picked for dodgeball] -Come on it was one time guys *Jesus drags the CPR dummy to his side of the gym*
@WilliamAder: The shoulder belt retractor suddenly locked up this morning and now everyone in my car pool knows my safe word.
@jessokfine: How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult? It's like, oh you gave birth to me? Please enjoy this fancy candle.
@Swishergirl24: People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.