@bromanconsul: congrats to those who made it onto my "Not A Lizard" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum.
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@stephenjmolloy: *registering with a doctor* Receptionist: "Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section" *batman runs out crying*
@NurseMurderer: I told my date I was depressed. I added, "not like cut my inner thigh depressed, but sleep with you even though I don't like you depressed."