@DamienFahey: Congratulations, Americans who write "Cheers" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than "Sent from my iPhone"
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@caribbeankris: I've kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it's like to raise an "ungrateful little prick"
@vineyille: "I saw mommy kissing santa claus" has the same number of syllables as "I saw someone die at Disney World." Life's funny like that.
@beefman138: I have done about 300 crunches for my new exercise routine. 299 of them are Nestlé.
@mirandaasantos: throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front, rear, & side views but she didn't get the memo..