@DamienFahey: Congratulations, Americans who write "Cheers" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than "Sent from my iPhone"
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@KalvinMacleod: [lips on a snake] WIFE: what are you doing? ME: getting rid of the poison WIFE: you’re supposed to suck your own bite SNAKE: leave him alone
@dave_cactus: [me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*