@annaetuck: Congratulations, everyone who saw me and my kids at the mall today. That's the cheapest birth control you will ever have.
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@Playing_Dad: [At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*
@_Water_Baby: Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird? Tequila, I'm looking at you.