@Sarcasticsapien: Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl.
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@FeverFlave: I would rather have a 100 poisonous spiders dumped on my naked body than a second date. Me: So that's a no?
@sarcasm_inc: HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT
@mrjohndarby: me: what kind of dog is that? him: husky me: sorry, *deep raspy voice* what kind of dog is that?