@Tmoney68: "Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!" - Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child.
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@joeljeffrey: A man fought off a polar bear yesterday using only his cell phone... it was probably a blackberry. The bear was so disgusted he just left.
@sarcasticmommy4: Before you have kids, practice yelling "GET UP NOW OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!" & see if it's right for you.
@brennadine: I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES "Don't you mean catlike-" BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]
@dril: so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement