@Tmoney68: "Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!" - Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child.
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@LizzieEMB: Turns out when you're a grown up, you CAN do anything you want, you just have to deal with the fallout... *pizza dough plops on head*
@timdonakowski: *stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*
@BuckyIsotope: WIFE: *yells into basement* Our savings account is entirely empty. Do you know what happened? ME: *assembling robot monkey butler* No idea