@UnFitz: Congratulations on your gold medal in the conclusion jump.
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@Brampersandon_: (Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit
@GulfCoastJake: Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"
@zachreinert03: Ate at w pho restaurant and based on my waitress' facial reaction I'm not sure if I asked for a fork or killed her entire family
@notalogin: How would you describe your past work? [Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar] -Change management.