@briangaar: "Congratulations, the baby's got green overalls!" Peach sobs. Mario flies into a rage.
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@minafisheyes: Facebook sent me a notification....unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up.
@JB4Realz: WIFE: What the...? ME: I'm teaching him to play piano. W: You idiot! M *covering chicken's ears*: Not in front of Johann Sebastian Bock-Bock
@wilnettleton: "Last Christmas" is a strange song. It's been 12 months and we're just now addressing this situation?
@dlockw21: In my experience, people who say "I'm not trying to be difficult," don't really seem to be trying all that hard.