@briangaar: "Congratulations, the baby's got green overalls!" Peach sobs. Mario flies into a rage.
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@QwertyJones3: "This shirt that the team was wearing smells disgusting. I need to find an appropriate state to name it after." -Inventor of the jersey
@daemonic3: [robbing Whole Foods] "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok? "Yes!" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag
@hazelmotes1: My wife is all, "we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences," until it comes to a prison sentence.