@AaronFullerton: Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JWilsonGA: Wife: Your PMS jokes aren't funny. Me: I can't help it, they just flow out of my mouth. Wife: ... Me: Fine. No more. Period. Wife: *eyeroll*
@JoleenDoreen: When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, "Thumb War" is not the answer they were looking for.
@OBiiieeee: Son, your mom and I have been fighting a lot lately and we have decided that *dad piledrives mom into the coffee table* we're gonna go pro.
@Marlebean: Damn boy, are you leftover pizza in the fridge? Because I've been thinking about you all night...