@stonedcoldlazy: Considering the yr Jesus is said to have been born, I question those who give him the wheel or make him their copilot.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Marriage lasts until death. You’re not married in heaven. Me: Why not? Wife: Then we’d be in hell.
@AbbyHasIssues: This invitation says, “Regrets only,” so I’m sending them a note that says, “My hair throughout most of the ‘90s.”
@iMikosnyc: Why yes, person on the Internet, I would love to make $596 per day sitting at home. Let's do this!!!