@_youhadonejob1: They’ll be astounded.

@shariv67: No one is reading any of these tweets. Feel free to unburden yourself. I murdered a drifter once. Wow. That feels great. Now you.

@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.

@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen

@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.